So I’m already dreading saying goodbye to Audrina, Kristin, Lo, and Stephanie tonight on The Hills. As cheesfully scripted it was, I still was a bit addicted and will miss guessing who would swap spit next week. Aww. Too bad. So sad, BUT it looks like there will be show about Audrina, and also if those rumours are true, Heidi and Jen Bunny will have their own show. I’ll pass on that one… right… WHO AM I KIDDING???
It’s been a bit of a crazy life lately. My emotions are going crazy, and I can’t pin it just on any one thing. I have to do what is right for me, my lil baby (which I get to find out the sex of in just a few weeks), and our future. More to come on all of that stuff!!!
Nonetheless all of it has got me thinking. And over the past few years, I’ve held so much in, and had a façade that I was super happy, when in reality I was dying inside. So many of my friends and family that are close, know the struggles that I have held inside and tried to deal with on my own. Other people probably just think I’m crazy, and many couldn't care less. It makes me start to think of how I treat other people that I begin to judge quickly, let get on my nerves, or simply just brush them off as a ________ "fill in the blank". It makes me sick to know that people did and continue to do that to me without even knowing what has been done to me and how many times I’ve been hurt and whoa whoa whoa wait a minute. I do the exact same thing to people, that was driving me straight to a living hell. And probably if I had kept going a very ‘literal’ hell. Thank you Jesus. Seriously. THANK YOU. I will never, ever, ever look at a single person again and think, dang, that girl is a serious biatch without wondering why. It DOES however bother me when the 'religious' come out in people that wanna sound all spiritual and important.
It happened to me in my weekly Women's Bible Study Group a lady made sure that when dealing with people we had a problem with we should, ‘SEE THEM WITH GODS EYES’ OK. That would’ve been great if you were looking at me with His eyes lady. But ever since I came to this Bible study you are staring at me, whispering, contradicting every idea or comment that comes out of my mouth. Could YOU please see me with his eyes? PLEASE? I left that church group the very next day and never went back. Call me sensitive, call me crazy, tell me to toughen up. But NOONE knows what the person next to you is dealing, has dealt with, or what they are going through. We haven't the slightest idea how bad someone could possibly hurting.
I'm sure she probably didn’t like the fact that I had tattoos and 4 inch funky heels and crazy hair and had a different type of personality, but some of the things she did and said towards me went too far. And at a Women’s Bible Study no less? Had she followed her own directions and ‘SAW ME WITH GODS EYES’ she would’ve seen a girl on her last leg, with one last hope in the world. Someone who begs to be lifted off of the floor for forgiveness and someone who DOESN’T think they are special. All I wanted was to feel the love of Jesus that night. I felt like I had been asked to leave. I had felt lonlier than ever.
OK, I’m getting all teary eyed even remembering all that. And didn’t even plan on writing that on here. But it just came out somehow. ;) Anyhow, just in case you decide to throw a little, hair toss smirky-nasty on someone.... If someone is being a total jerkface to you, or even just getting on your nerves for no reason, there probably is a reason behind what it is about them that you don’t like. For me, doing this is a process. I have to keep reminding myself that I haven't walked in their shoes, nor do I know what kind of mess they woke up to this morning. And it’s tough. But life isn’t fun when you can’t stand people anyway. So it feels better to know that they probably have either been through something a whole lotta crappy, or maybe they are feeling something from you that they don’t understand or like. Which if that is the case, (In the words of Willy Wonka) they need strike that flip it and reverse it. :)
OK wow, wasn’t expecting to write all of that. I love ya’ll….. Have fun watching The Hills tonight!!! Don’t forget there is a reunion show too! WOOHOO… Ok, I need to calm down I am WAYYYY more into Real Housewives these days but come on a Series Finale?? I have to get excited.
XO,
Rach
p.s.
Spencer Pratt,
I’m sorry to hear you don’t have a place to live now. ( http://www.popeater.com/2010/07/12/spencer-pratt-homeless-no-place-to-live/ ) I think you should go spend the night with that family whose kid you were so nice to. Yeah, lil Enzo. They will let you stay there! I would offer you my couch but your flesh colored beard could possibly scare or offend my dog and cat. Good Luck Buddy!
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