I don't feel like rocking around the Christmas tree!

When the Holidays hurt… 

Ummm keep reading, even if you are the jolliest of the jolly!  :)

From Joy to the World, to Tis the season to be Jolly. This is the time of year represents such an amazing gift, and is beyond a doubt a time for celebration. When you get to see your family, (dysfunctional or not)! And why is it at your office party and there is free food, folks attack it like they haven’t eaten a good meal in days. You’d think they’d never seen a sugar cookie before. Even if it’s a potluck they pile their plate so high full of crap to make very sure that they get enough of the homemade goodies we brought probably with their cat walking on the table and without watching their hands to make sure they get enough before it runs out. I digress. Sorry I have some pretty horrible imprints on my mind of office parties. Anyway, case in point, it’s at least a solid month of lights and sparkles and songs and presents and bows and sometimes we have the pressure to walk around with a permanent smile glued to our face. Unless you don’t mind being an outright Scrooge! (But that is another blog, I don’t have time for outright Scrooges.)

Well, what if you don’t feel like celebrating? What if you don’t feel like Rockin’ around the Christmas tree?! I can remember in Christmases past, walking around smiling so hard my face hurt, caroling all around town, and spreading glitter everywhere! I just could not understand why some people hated the Holidays. How can someone be sad during Christmas? Why is that jerk hogging the bottle of wine and downing all the egg nog? ITS STOCKINGS FILLED WITH CANDY AND AWESOME STUFF YOU WANT WRAPPED UP UNDER A TREE! OR 8  DAYS IN A ROW OF GIFTS?!?! Umm, well, now I get it.

Since the point of the Holidays is to give, love and a huge part being with our family and loved ones…. What if they aren’t around?  It’s like this gaping whole that takes on a life of its own.  Whether a loved one who is associated with so many Christmas memories has either passed away or just isn’t around anymore, the simple truth is it hurts.  It hurts worse than it does any other time of the year.  I know what it feels like to not feel like celebrating.  Instead of stuffing my face full of yummy goodies and opening presents and spreading cheer… I know what it feels like to want to stay in my bed with the shades drawn watching ‘The Holiday’ and ‘Edward Scissorhands’ interchangeably.  Or my personal favorite, popping in a Shirley Temple movie and doing a shot of whiskey every time she breaks into song and dance. That’ll do it!

Well if that’s you, and you aren’t stoked about the Holidays or are dreading it it’s time to make a change and bring on the figgy pudding baby!!!  Now it’s not a sure fire shot but it is sure worth a try. :)

There are so many other people besides you that are hurting during the Holidays.  There are millions of people and I’m pretty sure some are right down the street that need some cheer too!  Nursing homes are the perfect place to visit.  There is always someone there who wants someone to talk to.  And believe me when I tell you the stories they have to share will most likely be hilarious.  Whether they intend for it to be or not.  It may sound cliché but go visit a homeless shelter.  If you haven’t, it will change your life forever.  Believe me!  You see those precious little faces that don’t even have a place to live…. No words can even describe it.  You don’t even have to take anything!  However if you do want to take something and you don’t have a lot of money to spend you can take cookies, a regift, or even something from the dollah store!  They will be so grateful. :)

Just remember there is always someone else who has it worse than you do.  Someone who is hurting far more.  So get your hiney out of the town of Sadville, Population 1 (that’s you) and go jingle yourself on down the street!  I promise you that the connections you make and just making one person smile will lift your spirits immensely.  It probably won’t be a total cure of your sadness, but believe me it will help!

I can attest to even recently not being excited about Christmas.  I had gotten out of a relationship.   Was bummed about friends I’d lost, and there are some family… um, issues going on! (LOL putting it mildly) and I actually felt sorry for myself.  I didn’t wanna put up the tree! Can you imagine?!?!!?!? Then I looked at my precious, gorgeous, beautiful, darling ANGEL of a babygirl, my amazing family, and the REAL friends that I have and I felt repulsed by my former thoughts.

Christmas, Hanukkah, ChristmasaKwanzaka are not only times to celebrate, but to continue to be thankful.  My precious Savior was born that day!  That sweet little baby Jesus didn’t even have a place to be born.  A nasty old barn, can you imagine! Poor Mary! :-/ Anyway, it may not have looked good then, but look what He accomplished for us.  So if you are hurting this season, it’s ok.  You aren’t the only one.  I promise you that it will get better.  But you have to want it to, and it’s not going to magically get better on it’s own.  So even though you don’t want to, you’re going to have yourself a MERRY LITTLE CHRISTMAS, I just know it! :)

  P.S.   Have you seen the episode of The Office where they go to the Asian Hooters aka Beniihana and Michael Scott brings back a couple of waitresses and marks one with a marker and gives her a bike that was supposed to go to Toys for Tots?!  LOLOLOL... Ok well you need to watch it, like ASAP.  It's complete awesomeness!  Oh, and you're welcome in advance!



GETTING YOUR HEART BACK, AFTER YOU FEEL IT'S BEEN TAKEN....

From learning to ‘ Guard My Heart’ to learning tricks to still feel pretty and normal while 5 months pregnant, it has been a crazy few months getting back into the swing of things. It has been years since I have felt so at peace, and such pure happiness that I know is nothing but the unconditional love from God. My mommy, friends, and a few family members have also shown me what the meaning of that unconditional love is. I know that our family are supposed to be the ones that are there through thick and thin. And no matter what, they should be the ones who won’t leave you and always welcome you back with open arms. If you are blessed enough to have family in your life, ones that won’t judge you, and welcome you with open arms just like the Prodigal, you are one blessed cat. Let me tell ya. :)



So last night I was watching the movie Taken, with Liam Neeson, I know, I know it’s like 2 years old but I’m not always the first one to see a new movie. Obvi. So, I will admit it was a gripping, and amazing movie, but I kept thinking how much I wish he were my dad. If you haven’t seen the movie, look it up on IMDB, or Wikipedia because I don’t want be a spoiler and I can be terrible at explaining a premise of a movie without giving it away. Let’s just say this man went through hell, highwater, and the worst things you can imagine just to rescue his little girl. That is something that I always longed for, to have someone rescue me, protect me, or punish someone who had broken my heart or hurt me in some way.


I am at a place now, where sharing everything I have, and being transparent is extremely important to me, so I feel that I can share things I never really felt comfortable with before.  But never having my father around, for the first 18 years of my life (and I don’t even want to get into what kind of heartbreak he has brought into my life even after) left a longing for something that I couldn’t pinpoint, but just felt I couldn’t find. When I was stuck all the way in New York City, by now everyone knows where, with no idea of who to call. My sweet as apple pie mother, but can turn into Mama bear when protecting her lil cub… (that would be me) hates driving on the interstate in Columbus, Ohio much less driving through the streets of Manhattan and Queens, drove 10 hours just to come rescue me, with every penny she had to her name. The Lord has placed people around me my entire life, my mommy, my Aunt Susie, my Maw Maw, Gran, and many others, who He knew would take care of me. But instead of recognizing them for what they were, I kept searching. All the while giving my heart away to just about anyone who would let me. If I only knew then….

Of course the first time I felt the presence of the Lord so strongly, I was in my room, at the age of 13 praying and heard His voice saying, ‘You ARE My child, and I AM your Father.’. I will never forget that as long as I live. It was the first time I had ever felt, or heard that voice before. And unfortunately I can’t explain it or even come close to putting it into words.


Even so, after the Lord had spoken to me through scripture, Pastors, teachings, you name it, I still kept searching for some sort of physical, emotional, or whatever kind of love I could find from a male figure. And… I never found it. It’s now, at the age of 28 years old, expecting a lil miracle of my own, that I realize that love was there all along. He is continuing to heal all the hurts, make the scars disappear, and I’m living proof that all of the miracles we see on the outside, are just as real and just as powerful as the ones when our brokenhearts are mended.

Byebye to Justin Bobby's Hair, and To Bein' a Mean Girl

So I’m already dreading saying goodbye to Audrina, Kristin, Lo, and Stephanie tonight on The Hills. As cheesfully scripted it was, I still was a bit addicted and will miss guessing who would swap spit next week. Aww. Too bad. So sad, BUT it looks like there will be show about Audrina, and also if those rumours are true, Heidi and Jen Bunny will have their own show. I’ll pass on that one… right… WHO AM I KIDDING???



It’s been a bit of a crazy life lately. My emotions are going crazy, and I can’t pin it just on any one thing. I have to do what is right for me, my lil baby (which I get to find out the sex of in just a few weeks), and our future.  More to come on all of that stuff!!!  


Nonetheless all of it has got me thinking.  And over the past few years, I’ve held so much in, and had a façade that I was super happy, when in reality I was dying inside. So many of my friends and family that are close, know the struggles that I have held inside and tried to deal with on my own. Other people probably just think I’m crazy, and many couldn't care less. It makes me start to think of how I treat other people that I begin to judge quickly, let get on my nerves, or simply just brush them off as a ________ "fill in the blank". It makes me sick to know that people did and continue to do that to me without even knowing what has been done to me and how many times I’ve been hurt and whoa whoa whoa wait a minute. I do the exact same thing to people, that was driving me straight to a living hell. And probably if I had kept going a very ‘literal’ hell. Thank you Jesus. Seriously. THANK YOU. I will never, ever, ever look at a single person again and think, dang, that girl is a serious biatch without wondering why. It DOES however bother me when the 'religious' come out in people that wanna sound all spiritual and important.  

It happened to me in my weekly Women's Bible Study Group a lady made sure that when dealing with people we had a problem with we should, ‘SEE THEM WITH GODS EYES’ OK. That would’ve been great if you were looking at me with His eyes lady. But ever since I came to this Bible study you are staring at me, whispering, contradicting every idea or comment that comes out of my mouth. Could YOU please see me with his eyes? PLEASE? I left that church group the very next day and never went back.  Call me sensitive, call me crazy, tell me to toughen up. But NOONE knows what the person next to you is dealing, has dealt with, or what they are going through. We haven't the slightest idea how bad someone could possibly hurting.

I'm sure she probably didn’t like the fact that I had tattoos and 4 inch funky heels and crazy hair and had a different type of personality, but some of the things she did and said towards me went too far. And at a Women’s Bible Study no less? Had she followed her own directions and ‘SAW ME WITH GODS EYES’ she would’ve seen a girl on her last leg, with one last hope in the world. Someone who begs to be lifted off of the floor for forgiveness and someone who DOESN’T think they are special. All I wanted was to feel the love of Jesus that night. I felt like I had been asked to leave.  I had felt lonlier than ever. 


OK, I’m getting all teary eyed even remembering all that. And didn’t even plan on writing that on here. But it just came out somehow. ;) Anyhow, just in case you decide to throw a little, hair toss smirky-nasty on someone.... If someone is being a total jerkface to you, or even just getting on your nerves for no reason, there probably is a reason behind what it is about them that you don’t like. For me, doing this is a process. I have to keep reminding myself that I haven't walked in their shoes, nor do I know what kind of mess they woke up to this morning. And it’s tough. But life isn’t fun when you can’t stand people anyway. So it feels better to know that they probably have either been through something a whole lotta crappy, or maybe they are feeling something from you that they don’t understand or like. Which if that is the case, (In the words of Willy Wonka) they need strike that flip it and reverse it.  :)


OK wow, wasn’t expecting to write all of that. I love ya’ll….. Have fun watching The Hills tonight!!! Don’t forget there is a reunion show too! WOOHOO… Ok, I need to calm down I am WAYYYY more into Real Housewives these days but come on a Series Finale?? I have to get excited.


XO,
Rach


p.s.
Spencer Pratt,


I’m sorry to hear you don’t have a place to live now. ( http://www.popeater.com/2010/07/12/spencer-pratt-homeless-no-place-to-live/ ) I think you should go spend the night with that family whose kid you were so nice to. Yeah, lil Enzo. They will let you stay there! I would offer you my couch but your flesh colored beard could possibly scare or offend my dog and cat. Good Luck Buddy!