A Practice Baby?!!?

Someone at work yesterday asked me how much experience that I had solely caring for a baby. The last time I had any experience with a real, live, crying baby was um, well… Never. The closest I came will go all the way back to 10th grade baby experiment that took place in our Parenting class.



How the parenting class ended up on my schedule is a bit hard for me to remember. I have to come to the conclusion that it was either a bunch of my friends were taking it, or I signed up for the elective to avoid another one in which I either had to add, subtract, or dissect something. Anyway, I still remember sitting in Mrs. Laraba’s classroom when the magical, crying babies were passed out to each of us, along with the key to make them stop crying. I believe they were called, “Baby Think it Over” dolls. Yes, Liberty High School in Glen Daniel, West Virginia had this wonderful technology. And this was back in 1999 folks!


The point of the project, was to learn what it was like to be a real live parent, with a real live crying baby. The baby would cry at different intervals of the day, and night, and to pacify this baby, you would insert a magic key into the baby’s back, and you would have to hold it until the baby made no more noise and , ‘fell back asleep’. The baby supposedly had sensors inside that would tell our teacher how many times we fed it with the miraculous key, or just ignored it and let it scream all night. It also would report any signs of abuse such as throwing it against a wall, pinching it, or anything like that. This would obviously grant you an automatic F = FAIL on the project which would bring down your entire grade since it counted for something like 30% of the final grade in the class.


When it was my turn to take care of “Baby Gumby” for the week, (that’s what I named him b/c his feet were sort of block shaped and flat like Gumby’s…. plus I really love Gumby, and Pokey!) everything started off so sweet and loving. I found myself being even being affectionate to Baby Gumby! Baby Gumby made no noise until he was hungry, and as his screaming would start, I just placed the key in his back and he stopped immediately. WOW. That was easy. I was gonna cover Baby Gumby in kisses for making this 100% A PLUS that I was going to receive so easy! The lil coos and ahhs he made as he was being fed with the key were so freakin’ adorable!!! Until he decided to start waking me up in the middle of the night. Oh Baby Gumby became SO not cute anymore. After waking at 11, 1, then 3 all in the same night on Tuesday, I was dreading what Wednesday was going to be like. Wednesday came around, and not only was I SO sleepy, but Baby Gumby was NOT sleepy. Oy vey.

Anyway, that night, when the cries started to erupt from this lil plastic doll, I inserted the key and it broke. Yes, the key broke into Baby Gumby’s back and now the cries seemed to get louder. And as I laid there for another hour of the crying, and realized that my mom and step-dad were probably about 2.5 seconds from throwing the baby threw the window, I took him outside, wrapped him up in some blankets and placed him in my car. While I didn’t get an automatic fail, I still passed the class! I still hold a special place for Baby Gumby in my heart.

These days the technology of these pretend babies are INSANE. The kids now wear bracelets with censors built in, and when the baby cries, they can actually burp them, feed them, change a diaper, etc. and when the censor moves over the area that the baby was crying about, he stops crying! Then there is a more specific printout the instructor can give the student to show how many feedings, naptimes, etc. that they missed. Sounds much better than a broken key!


Moral of this story…. I’ve got a lot to learn. ;)






P.s. FACEBOOK FRIENDS


I haven’t written back to you and I’m SO sorry. I don’t get on much and when I do, it’s through my cell phone, so I can’t write back the long responses I want to. So just email me at glitterbabyrae@gmail.com and I will be sure to receive your message and can write you back right away!


A lot of people have been asking me why I am having a child and am not married. I’m as sweet as it gets, and love everyone SO much but I have to say that was what ran me away from the church the first time. There are people having sex, doing drugs, and a whole lot worse going on, and for me to be a 28 year old woman who has been through hell and back, having just got my life back together and am SO in love with my Lord, I did mess up. But, what really happened, and why isn’t really anyone’s bid-ness. Except my close friends and family. So let’s just leave it at that. All I care about is that I am gonna have this baby and love on it constantly. It’s a blessing. And with that said… If you have any other questions, please don’t hesitate to let me know. You wouldn’t believe some of the things people say! Unreal. :-/


But I wanna leave this on a happy note….. It’s FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!! I think I may drive down to WV so everybody get ready for some Canterberry to come in to town!!!! It may get a little crazy.


:) Nah, not anymore. ;)

Byebye to Justin Bobby's Hair, and To Bein' a Mean Girl

So I’m already dreading saying goodbye to Audrina, Kristin, Lo, and Stephanie tonight on The Hills. As cheesfully scripted it was, I still was a bit addicted and will miss guessing who would swap spit next week. Aww. Too bad. So sad, BUT it looks like there will be show about Audrina, and also if those rumours are true, Heidi and Jen Bunny will have their own show. I’ll pass on that one… right… WHO AM I KIDDING???



It’s been a bit of a crazy life lately. My emotions are going crazy, and I can’t pin it just on any one thing. I have to do what is right for me, my lil baby (which I get to find out the sex of in just a few weeks), and our future.  More to come on all of that stuff!!!  


Nonetheless all of it has got me thinking.  And over the past few years, I’ve held so much in, and had a façade that I was super happy, when in reality I was dying inside. So many of my friends and family that are close, know the struggles that I have held inside and tried to deal with on my own. Other people probably just think I’m crazy, and many couldn't care less. It makes me start to think of how I treat other people that I begin to judge quickly, let get on my nerves, or simply just brush them off as a ________ "fill in the blank". It makes me sick to know that people did and continue to do that to me without even knowing what has been done to me and how many times I’ve been hurt and whoa whoa whoa wait a minute. I do the exact same thing to people, that was driving me straight to a living hell. And probably if I had kept going a very ‘literal’ hell. Thank you Jesus. Seriously. THANK YOU. I will never, ever, ever look at a single person again and think, dang, that girl is a serious biatch without wondering why. It DOES however bother me when the 'religious' come out in people that wanna sound all spiritual and important.  

It happened to me in my weekly Women's Bible Study Group a lady made sure that when dealing with people we had a problem with we should, ‘SEE THEM WITH GODS EYES’ OK. That would’ve been great if you were looking at me with His eyes lady. But ever since I came to this Bible study you are staring at me, whispering, contradicting every idea or comment that comes out of my mouth. Could YOU please see me with his eyes? PLEASE? I left that church group the very next day and never went back.  Call me sensitive, call me crazy, tell me to toughen up. But NOONE knows what the person next to you is dealing, has dealt with, or what they are going through. We haven't the slightest idea how bad someone could possibly hurting.

I'm sure she probably didn’t like the fact that I had tattoos and 4 inch funky heels and crazy hair and had a different type of personality, but some of the things she did and said towards me went too far. And at a Women’s Bible Study no less? Had she followed her own directions and ‘SAW ME WITH GODS EYES’ she would’ve seen a girl on her last leg, with one last hope in the world. Someone who begs to be lifted off of the floor for forgiveness and someone who DOESN’T think they are special. All I wanted was to feel the love of Jesus that night. I felt like I had been asked to leave.  I had felt lonlier than ever. 


OK, I’m getting all teary eyed even remembering all that. And didn’t even plan on writing that on here. But it just came out somehow. ;) Anyhow, just in case you decide to throw a little, hair toss smirky-nasty on someone.... If someone is being a total jerkface to you, or even just getting on your nerves for no reason, there probably is a reason behind what it is about them that you don’t like. For me, doing this is a process. I have to keep reminding myself that I haven't walked in their shoes, nor do I know what kind of mess they woke up to this morning. And it’s tough. But life isn’t fun when you can’t stand people anyway. So it feels better to know that they probably have either been through something a whole lotta crappy, or maybe they are feeling something from you that they don’t understand or like. Which if that is the case, (In the words of Willy Wonka) they need strike that flip it and reverse it.  :)


OK wow, wasn’t expecting to write all of that. I love ya’ll….. Have fun watching The Hills tonight!!! Don’t forget there is a reunion show too! WOOHOO… Ok, I need to calm down I am WAYYYY more into Real Housewives these days but come on a Series Finale?? I have to get excited.


XO,
Rach


p.s.
Spencer Pratt,


I’m sorry to hear you don’t have a place to live now. ( http://www.popeater.com/2010/07/12/spencer-pratt-homeless-no-place-to-live/ ) I think you should go spend the night with that family whose kid you were so nice to. Yeah, lil Enzo. They will let you stay there! I would offer you my couch but your flesh colored beard could possibly scare or offend my dog and cat. Good Luck Buddy!

Only because you asked! :)

Crikey it's hot out there! 

A lot of you have asked me to tell you more about my NYC story. The details that lie beneath each minute of that ordeal still can be recalled as if they happened yesterday. There is so much that I want to talk about that I still can’t yet. But I will. One memory that sticks with me is while I was waiting to be placed in a cell, I hadn’t eaten anything so of course I was starving. Actually I was so upset I wasn’t hungry but almost two days without food was starting to make me feel even worse. A part of the prison program for inmates who are there for an extended period of time, let the women have a job in the prison, and in return not only does the time go by faster, but they get a couple of bucks for their Commissary account. (If you don't know what a Commissary account is look it up, I've always wanted to say that.) A tiny girl that told me to call her ‘CeCe’ was mopping the floor when she had to come in my holding cell to mop and sweep around me. She asked why I was there, and after I told her my story she said , ‘I’ll be right back’. CeCe returned with a plastic kitchen glove, with a fresh piece of chicken inside. She let me know that it was ‘Chicken Day’ in the kitchen, and it was the only day the food was good. Then instructed me to eat it fast so she, (or I), didn’t get into trouble. I ate it in about 2.5 seconds and CeCe was right. It was some good chicken. :)

Ok, that’s all of that subject I feel like talking about today. It’s so strange being the crazydays of summer and coming home after work and not going out at night to party it up in a ridiculous manner I might add. Instead I’m starting to Volunteer at a Hospice Program, Reading like mad, and among other things, have become hooked on downloadable games from Amazon. Has anyone ever played the CakeMania Game? Or those hidden find games? Those are the best! I have to practically get dragged off of the couch. I feel that the season of fast moving, and moving constantly for selfish reasons, have finally come to an end. I tried so many times in the words of Vanilla Ice to stop, collaborate and listen. But something just wasn’t gelling. And it’s OK. No matter how many times you fall off the horse, go down the wrong path, miss the turn b/c the GPS took you the wrong way (just like putting far too much trust in people), it’s no one else’s place to tell you messed up one time too many. When God picks you up again, dusts you off, of course it’s not time to run and jump in a mud puddle on purpose, but if you happen to fall in, the price has already been paid for you to get washed off again. I’m so thankful for that grace. It is THAT, that has saved my life, and kept me alive.

Alright well now it’s about that time for lunch. I SO wish I could order Hibachi to go. Is that possible? I’m going to call and ask. Like, while the guy is cooking at the table for 5 people he could cook mine too and throw it in a box. A pink sparkly box would be nice. I also want to watch ‘13 Going on 30’ for some reason. I may just do that when I get home.

LOVE YOU!!!!!


Rach

p.s. Lindsay Lohan, I hope you stay strong in the Klink. Show off all your tats. That will give you some street cred and maybe you won’t get beat up.

Mommy's Future lil DIVA or ROCKSTAR! ;)

SO long since I've written.  I'm sorry, and this will SO not be a normal occurrence.  Morning sickness has overtaken my life and whoever called it 'MORNING' sickness can kiss my hiney.  It's more like am I dying +stomach flu + hangover where tequila was involved.  Which = no blogging.  I'm now almost in my 2nd Trimester so I feel like doing stuff again YAY!  My blog isn't going to be all baby related, just this one post, then back to more fun stuff to talk to about with my readers.  If you aren't preggo, or don't have kids, it can be quite boring to read about it.  Nevertheless, here is my update: (it won't be too often i give them on this site)


 As most of you know, I am expecting my lil baby bundle of joy and poo and cries and laughs and lots more surprises on January 12th! I think about the lil peanuckle everyday and lay my hands on my belly and pray. Thank you Jesus for my lil miracle. I'll keep you ALL updated, as of now I'm only 13 weeks.




Morning sickness is FINALLY starting to subside, but the cravings are going crazy! Hot Fries are my weakness. I eat a small bag nearly every day! How horrible is that?! I am STILL craving mini baby carrots like crazy. But something about Italian food is making me sick. The other day I ate at Red Robin and they probably regretted it when they invented the 'Bottomless Fries' idea when I walked through the door. I followed it with the largest piece of cake you've ever seen. I think I even licked the plate to get the last drop of fudge. Accidently of course. Oopsies. ;)


It's all so crazy and weird to adjust to, but I'm more excited than I can imagine! You can't see my baby bump TOO much, but I did go to the pool to relax on Sunday and here is my first baby bump picture! Along with my 'Knocked Up' Dairy Queen ice cream cake. And my infamous plate licking sensation from Red Robin. LOVE YOU ALL!!! xoxoxoxoxo
Following are some pics, and next time I'll be writing about stuff a lil bit of everyone may be interested in. 

MUAH MUAH MUAH,
Rach



My 3 month baby bump!!!!! :)

I'd been craving a Dairy Queen ice cream cake... So it says "KNOCKED UP" LOVED IT.

I literally licked the plate. YUMMY GOODNESS.

Thank YOU my LOVES! :)

Is there another word that describes WOW? Even when I spell it backwards it still just is WOW and that is not nearly enough to describe what the past few years have been. More tumultuous than climbing Mt. Everest, a tad bit of the element of riding a Roller Coaster. I tried looking WOW up in the Thesaurus and that just made things even more complicated so we will just stick with WOW.  For NOW. Hey that rhymes.

I went from living in Music City, USA, hanging around some pretty amazing and talented people, to moving to Pittsburgh, PA after a pretty horrible ‘overkill’ on the part of the NYPD. Thought I found love and got engaged, ended up in a dangerous situation and tried to start over. And NOW I’m going to be a MOMMY! I’m shocked, happy, extremely ecstatic, and sort of scared. I started dating one of the sweetest guys I had ever met a few weeks after I moved into my new place and after all, being quite lonely he was so wonderful to have around. I can honestly say to this day I’ve never met someone so docile and sweet towards me. We are very different, but he is the father of the new love of my life in my belly and I couldn’t be more in love with the baby already. Truth is, I really do love kids... I'm sure you've seen pictures of me showing a very different side. I'm not even close to being that person anymore. See I DO love kiddos.  I'm not born to be a party animal but a Mommy.  :)

The main reason for this entry is to thank the people who encouraged me. I consider myself to be an extremely strong Christian who has dedicated my life back to the Lord and is SO in love with Him. Yet we all make mistakes. My baby however, was a surprise, but not a mistake. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for every single person who commented on my Facebook, sent me a message, and treated me like any other normal person would. I will not forget that. I also received some rather hateful messages and judgmental statements b/c I am a Christian. Let he who is without any sin please cast the first stone. Thanks. LOL. I still plan to live my life loving my God with my entire heart, as He does the same for me. There’s a thing called forgiveness, ever heard of it? When we are hurtful, or pass judgment on others, it’s just as bad sweet pea. So again thank you to all my AWESOME friends, family, and acquaintances who have offered their support, I need it more than you know. I can’t wait to keep you all updated on this journey. Right now I’m 2 ½ months along. And I need ALLLLLL the suggestions I can get!  We better pray I have a girl. ;) Just kidding I just want a healthy lil baby that can tell jokes and entertain me.  Also, I'm craving a heck of a lotta Waffle House... I need to move back down South :(   

LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH. YOU TRULY HAVE NO IDEA,

Rachy

p.s.  Oh, and one more thing... Rest in Peace Gary Coleman, we will miss your antics.

I'm obviously not 'Religious' but I have this thing called an AMAZING “Relationship"

Waking up feeling defeated isn’t something that can easily go away. Sometimes it’s literally a fight, and I mean a knock down drag out fight, to face the day. I had one of those mornings yesterday. I am quite certain that I am not the only one to have experienced this. The enemy is always going to try to drudge up the past, and try to bring it to the forefront of our mind. As well as put fear into our hearts and minds, sometimes that does not even exist. At these times it’s our turn to quote the scripture that our Jesus did. Just as Satan tempted Jesus in the wilderness, he is going to tempt us to forget the wonderful, perfect, and most beautiful sacrifice that has ever been given. When Jesus died for our sins, all that was paid for. So when we begin to dwell on our past, and our past failures, we are denying that gift that Jesus gave for us on the cross that day. When we wallow around in the hurt our own sin has caused us and caused others, we are again; acting is if that gift didn’t matter.


Do you remember when you were little and even before Halloween rolled around you were telling your parents exactly what you wanted for Christmas? My mom raised me as a single mother, with not a single penny from anyone else. I’m sure she scraped up all the money she had to buy that Barbie dream house that I had been talking about the entire year. Those things weren’t cheap! Not to mention the hours she said it took her to put it together. Case in point, it was a sacrifice for her. If I had woke up that morning and just said, “Thanks but I don’t deserve that, you can take it back” I’m sure her heart would be broken. It was something that she wanted to do, something that absolutely thrilled her to make me a happy 5 year old. I know in no way, shape, or form is this a comparison of the sacrifice that my sweet Jesus made for us on that day, but it just makes me think of how hurt that He is when we don’t accept the gift of Grace that He wants us to take hold of and apply to our life so freely.

And this is me and my precious Mommy!



After I graduated from Bible College, I began to experience abuse and various issues that I had never experienced before. Hurt I never knew I could feel, and I didn’t have a plan. Instead of going forth with the plans that the Lord had for my life, I followed the world’s plan of masking my pain. It all started with one drink and ever since that first one, almost 10 years of sin, hurt, pain, suicide attempts, becoming physical ill to the point of nearly dying, the rock bottom came. After all the running, I finally saw that the Lord was waiting for me the entire time. He had a plan for me. In between events I would ask for God’s healing. As I knew He was my answer, but right before the wound was completely healed, I’d roam back down some wrong path, and that would was ripped open, making the new one even worse. Imagine being mauled by a grizzly bear, only to come out having scars and emotional damage that took a long time to heal. Before you are completely healed you go back out and do something to get those scars ripped open again. Instead of going to the doctor for treatment, you try to treat your pain in your own way, and that’s a sure fire way on a path of destruction, even death. That is where I was headed. Time after time after time. Why is it different this time? Because I am healed completely. The prayers and sacrifices that others have made on my behalf, the Grace that God gave to me so freely, and the infinite and unconditional love that surrounds me has brought me to my knees and to an entirely new level. I’m beyond excited to continue to share with you the journey, paths (both horrendous and beautiful) that have brought me today. If one mistake I made can help someone to avoid the same, it’s worth it. I’m not embarrassed. Because I’m free. Thank you Jesus. And thank you to my friends that never gave up on me. There were always the ones who talked about how horrible I was, or how far I’d fallen off the wagon. But there were those who loved me anyway. Your gift will be great for all you did. I LOVE you all. I can't wait to share the rest of the stories.... :)

Rikers Island. And it's not the Caribbean. :)

Rikers Island. And it's not the Caribbean. :)
OK, So Back to the ordeal of a lifetime. I left off in the holding cell where the other girls and I were sitting for hours. Me, about 14, some shorter, some longer. Erin had met someone in the airport and flirted her way into getting me one of his lawyer friends to come down to the courthouse to my arraignment. Little did I know how much this was going to cost me?

Finally, a ‘C.O’ (Corrections Officer) as everyone calls them, handcuffed me and led me to the most beautiful courthouse I had ever seen. It looked like a ballroom in some sort of castle. And scattered throughout it were people like me, and some not so much. People that hadn’t slept for days, some wounded, and some still strung out on drugs, and some that simply didn’t pay their entire cab fare. I had a two minute conversation with my attorney, who said a lot of discombobulated things that made no sense to me whatsoever. We approached the judge and since I was from out of state, no one there to post bail for me, the judge was new, and wasn’t quite sure what to do with me. I was accused of selling two pills to an undercover cop. None of which I remember doing. It was a confusing situation all around, and so they said I was to go to Rikers Island.

Rikers Island is an infamous place. 2Pac wrote about it in his songs, Sid Vicious spent time there the day before he committed suicide, (or was murdered), and some of the most hardened criminals of our time have spent time inside these walls. After they took all my information, I was handcuffed to a girl with NO and I mean ZERO teeth in her mouth. She was a tall Hispanic girl with strawberry blondish hair. She seemed out of it, but still didn’t feel like she wanted to talk to me. Well if you know me well enough, I’ll strike up a conversation with the guy begging for money on the corner, or the Pope. So I started to ask her about Rikers. She said, ‘Keep to yourself, don’t bother anyone and they won’t bother you’ apparently she had been there more than once. There was some old hip hop song on the radio and she began to sing every word. We were handcuffed together on this rattling old bus with bars in the front, back and beside each seat. There were even Juvenile offenders on the ride with us. To say they were bothering me would be an understatement. But I was in such a daze, such a state of ‘I can’t believe this is happening to me’ that nothing phased me.

When we were escorted out of the bus, we were booked inside, and locked into another holding cell for around 5 more hours. I still had on my strapless leather dress, and my chunky black strappy heels. The C.O. let me know there was no way I could wear that into my cell block. So I had to search through old bags of clothes to find something to cover up. They don’t give jumpsuits to someone unless they are sentenced. Since I was just being held until my bail was paid, I had to wear normal clothes. I found a blue Hollister polo and put it over my dress, and had to still wear the bubble skirt underneath. I literally looked like a homeless Barbie on crack. As they put me in yet another holding cell while my paperwork was being processed I fell asleep on a hard wooden board, along with my handcuff friend who had no problem being there. She acted as if it was a hotel stay.

In Jail, you get yelled at for everything. I had to call my mom to tell her what we needed to do to gather money for bail, tell her I was ok, and try to hold myself together. I sat down while I was talking and got screamed at to, ‘YOU ARENT ALLOWED TO SIT DOWN WHILE ON THE PHONE’. Ok, so I didn’t know. This happened over and over during my stay in the fabulous Island of Rikers. I once got screamed at for going upstairs to my cell to brush my teeth. Some CO’s were nicer than others. Certain ones would let us listen to the radio and I LOVED watching the black girls from Harlem and Queens dance. It was nothing like I had ever seen. When I first arrived, I was told to not look to the right or to the left. Catcalls like “Where’d you get that tan white girl” “Hey Malibu Barbie looks like you is Prison Barbie now” And the cackles were heard from all the way until I reached my new bed. If you want to call a piece of plastic covered with a sheet a bed. It was lunch time when I arrived in my ‘Cell Block’ so I got in line and got my food (if you want to call it that) and had no idea where to sit. I saw a table of girls who told me I could sit with them and they just stared at me in amazement asking, “What did you do white girl”? When I told the story, the entire cell block was imitating my southern twang, and began to warm up. By the second day, I let them braid my hair into corn rows. There was nothing else I could do with it. I have super curly hair, and no hair products were allowed only soap and shampoo. I wish I could’ve had a camera.

Getting to know these women, their stories, their hearts, why they were there, I wouldn’t trade for anything in this world. Hopefully someday I can tell the rest of the story, but I think about these women every day. One of the sentences that stick with me more than anything is this… “Once that cell door closes, I cry myself to sleep” and almost in unison the women said, I feel you. So do I. There was a point where there were 3 itty bitty bibles lying on the CO’s table. Everyone wanted one. Everyone wanted to go to the church services. They may have been bored, whatever the case is, and it’s a HUGE chance to minister to these women. An open door. Their hearts are broken, as well as their spirit. Imagine all hope being gone. It’s hard to imagine. Having no control over when to eat, sleep, or even sit down is something most people in the world will never experience. Some people most definitely DO DESERVE this treatment, or even worse. But that doesn’t mean they can’t be forgiven, or have hoped for and to possibly feel what REAL and UNCONDITIONAL love is.

There is so much more I want to say, I’ve taken a LOT of flak for sharing my all and sharing all this with my blog. But I do want to start living my life as an open book. If there is a question, I’ll answer it honestly. I want to hug, love, help, give, and do anything I can to prevent amazing people from making the same mistakes I have.

I love you all so much.
So many people were involved in helping me. Mommy, Gran, Mike, Lisa, and many more, you have no idea what all of your prayers meant to me. I’ll never forget it.

If you’d like to write me, please send an email to glitterbabyrae@gmail.com

Infinite X’s and O’s,

Rachy